Regards

For quite awhile now I've been on a mission to find a good sign-off to emails and other such written correspondences. To me, the sign-off is really important. It says something about the sender and reaffirms the tone of the letter. For example, whenever writing letters expressing my displeasure with something like the DC Traffic Division for issuing parking tickets erroneously or to the cleaning service I hired via Groupon that cleaned approximately 1/18th of my house and left the rest untouched, I always sign it "Regards, Alise." Regards is a little standoffish and says: "I am none to happy about this and I mean business and not the nice kind of business that would be implied with a "sincerely" or "cordially. No, no, just regards." At least, this is what I'm hoping it says. And I can't say for certain but I'm pretty sure "regards" was convincing enough to get me out of quite a few parking tickets back in the day. And Groupon was extremely apologetic about the non-cleaning cleaning service. So now you know: if you receive a note from me signed "Regards, Alise," you've poked the wasp's nest, my friend.

Aside from the occasional "regards" emails/letter, I've exclusively been a "Thanks, Alise" kind of signer-off'er but that doesn't always work either. Let's say I'm just looking to arrange a playdate or passing along a link to some online video that is mildly amusing (like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3iFhLdWjqc), "Thanks, Alise" just doesn't seem fitting. Or what about if I am writing to congratulate someone about something awesome like a promotion or a baby and I'm friends with this person but not friendly enough to sign-off "Love, Alise" but "Thanks, Alise" doesn't really work there either. A side note: I knew of a person once who signed all work-related emails with "Love." All work emails. Even to the boss. As in:

Dear Bossman,
I was hoping to meet with you today regarding the project you asked me to complete this morning. I am looking for a little more guidance. Please let me know when you have a few moments to discuss.
Love,
Libby

Whenever I think of Libby (not her real name), I always think of her as Love Libby and I will think of her that way until the day I die. Or the day I stop thinking of her, whichever comes first. Oh, I also met with a gentleman in a professional capacity to discuss some media strategies and he sent me an email afterward and signed it: BLESSINGS, Jon. Why would he yell "blessings" at me? That seems like something you'd whisper or speak in an "inside voice." Nope, Jon yelled his blessings at me and I'm not sure I can forgive him.

Back to the subject at hand...I've been trying out a few other sign-offs like "Best, Alise" but what does that mean? Best what? Wishing you the best? I'm the best? Do your best? I'm just not feeling it. "Cordially" just sounds too cordial and "sincerely" sounds really intimate. Don't even get me started on "fondly." "Affectionately" goes in the same basket as fondly. "Warmly" reminds me of a public hot tub and I am repulsed by public hot tubs. And I can't use "kind regards" because we all know my regards are not kind. "Kindly" might be okay...when I'm 78. "Cheers" is too British. "Yours truly" sounds possessive. What am I left with? Later? Honorably? Devotedly? Assuredly? No. No. No and no.

Maybe "thanks, Alise" is truly the best option until I need to whip out a regards and put the hurt on someone. Until then...

Still in Kansas,
Alise